Failed love story

I loved and still am in love with a girl who shares her name with a flower. I am a girl. Once we got tipsy off vodka I brought to school camp and I told “flower” my feelings on after all this time of being her friend. My sister was there and one of my friends was drunk and crying outside. I was worried originally but got distracted by the girl I like but I doubt I could do anything to make her feel better. “Flower” and I were never very close but for a short time she replaced me with her best friend. When I told her I liked her a lot she didn’t react bad. In fact she made out like she liked me as well. Somehow she ended up braiding my hair then asked if I wanted a kiss. Of course I did. We kissed, just a peck but I loved it at the time and she told me that we could give us a go and she would even kiss me at school. I couldn’t sleep that night I was so happy but I do usually struggle. When we got up the next morning she acted like it never happened then when I was about to have a shower she told me she couldn’t go through with it and she wasn’t gay. I cried in the shower and that day was horrible. I felt so tired and numb with a sprinkle of shittyness. She’s the only person I’ve ever liked like that and I think I experienced heart break for the first time. I got random chest pains a lot after that and we didn’t speak for forever and we sit so close in class. But I apologised and we started speaking again. Still weren’t close. I ruined our friendship eventually by telling her her dad doesn’t love her which was supposed to be a conversation starter but her dad isn’t present in her life and it upset her and now she hates me if she didn’t already hate me. My sister told me she always calls me a bitch behind my back and it’s fair. I’ve talk shit about her because I was so mad she called me a bitch but to be fair it’s true. I am a bitch.