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I only want to be a good mother. My mother was a good mother even though she was a single parent. True enough she only had two and I have four plus she waited later in life to have me and my brother, but somehow I feel like single parenthood isn't for me. Like it wasn't in the cards. I've isolated myself. I appreciate this website because I don't want to weight anyone close to me down with my depression. I've begun to look to other deities besides God for guidance. I just want to be better and feel normal and be more like my mom. I stated in a previous post that she passed away in 2019 from cancer. Cancer is a bitch. I sometimes wonder if I was adopted because I came from such well rounded parents but I'm such a mistake. I need to find a new home for myself and my children. Somewhere where we're safe but I messed that up last year because I was very down and doing coke. I'm so stupid. I stopped doing it when my dad died last summer. Yea I'm an adult orphan. I went over board and came close to killing myself I think because I was taking my moms pills from before she passed. I only want to correct my fuck ups.