I haven't been out of my house in months. I haven't seen another person other than my sisters and mother in weeks. I want gotten out of my bed in days. I hug my pillows so tight so I can wake up in the morning feeling like someone has been there hugging me the entire time I've been asleep. I make myself stay up all night so I can sleep through the day not hearing my sisters and mother fight every 10 minutes. I wake up to my sister checking if I'm still alive or if I'm just "fucking lazy" I only get out of my bed if I desperately need the bathroom. Social workers visit my house asking my mother why I'm not at school everyday. My mother has to complain about how I hide at the end of the street. How I close the door and run back up to my room. How I cry at the door until my mother agrees to let me not go to that hellhole. People think "oh its fun to be alone" yes because it's so fun to have to stack your pillows up to feel something other than your thoughts eating you away, "I'm not good enough and never will be." "Useless" "disgusting" "pig" "freak"die" "kys" "ugly" "fat "cow" "worthless" I miss the days where my mother would take me to the park and push me on the swings so i can feel like I'm flying. I miss when my sister would play barbies with me until we fell asleep. I miss when my dad would teach me how to draw dinosaurs. I miss when me and my best friend would play games in the playground. I miss when everything was fun. I miss when I could smile when I saw someone. I miss when I could put my hand up in class. I miss everything I could do. Now I'm just fucking useless.

1 year ago

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