I feel like I never cry. Not like hurt yourself cry or watch a sad movie cry, like really cry. I can remember one time where I really cried, and that's it. One fucking time. Maybe it's just 'cause I'm a guy and ya know "Real Men Don't Cry! Man Up" is the expectation that society has for me because as a guy I shouldn't be a sensitive little bitch, but sometimes I just wish I were a little sensitive. If crying makes me a bitch, then I guess I wanna be a fucking bitch. The last time I really cried, and quite possibly the only time that I've ever really cried, was when my best friend, who I had dated for like 3 years, was talking about her boyfriend and she said "I've never felt this way about anyone before". Damn, it hurt. It hurt so bad. The person who tells me every fucking day that she loves me and that I'm the best, and who is always writing me notes where she vents to me or tells me how much she loves me apparently never felt that way about me. At the time all that was running through my head was "Am I not good enough?" I wore her ring on my chain every single fucking day, before we dated, when we were dating, and even now, after I've stopped talking to her and we've been broken up for awhile (I didn't stop talking to her because of the breakup, though. We split awhile ago). I helped her get rid of douchey guys, and she stayed over at my house all the time and we watched comedy shows and fell asleep together, but she never felt that way about me. The worst part is that she didn't even fucking hesitate when she said it. She didn't bat a fucking eyelash or take a shuddering breath. She didn't give a fuck. Maybe I'm just being a fucking pussy, but when I got home that day I cried for so long and so much that I was crying and tears stopped falling because I had no more to be able to cry. I want that again. I want to fucking cry. I can't even cry as I'm fucking writing this. The tears won't fall, I can't even cry without tears like last time. What the fuck is wrong with me?

2 years ago

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