My dad has had alcohol addiction for the majority of my life. My mom was pregnant with my sister when I was 2. My mom had a miscarriage. We were at a party one day. When I was little, my dad had this friend of his that always had BBQ's and parties. We went there every week, and one me and my pregnant mom walked home really late. My mom any left over alcohol from the party. My drunk father knew and came home and had a huge argument with my mom. Next thing you know, she lost the baby. Friends from the party knew it was from the constant stress my mom was going through because of my dad. Over the years, it was good but as usual, the constant arguing with my parents which got pretty normal to me. I expected it everyday. I didn't really get what was going on. I was just a kid. Four years later, my mom was pregnant with my brother. I've never felt more happier in that moment. I was an only child so it was exciting to not be the only one and actually have someone to play with. I remember that moment when I went to the hospital to see my brother for the first time. That moment... that feeling.. I will always remember it. God sent him for a reason. He knew that he would be the most important thing to me. The thing that kept me going. The thing that made me feel better in my worst moments. He... he's the reason I'm never giving up, and I thank god for him every single day. Did I forget the part where I got my first dog at the age of four. Her name was princess. She comforted me in times where I didn't have anyone there. As years by, my dad's addiction got worse and worse and do did his attitude and just him himself. My mom came up to me one day asking if I would be okay with her wanting to divorce my dad. My answer was an automatic no. I was daddy's little girl. I didn't see him as I see him today. I saw him as my superhero, the person that I looked up to. I never got why mom and dad fought everyday, I was little. My mom waited until I got older and maybe then I would understand. I started understanding little by little starting at the age of nine. One day I wanted to go on my dad's phone just to play games as I always do but then my dad forgot to delete a tab. My heart dropped. I never felt this feeling. I got goosebumps everywhere. I started shaking. I didn't know what I was seeing but I know I was seeing something bad. My first thought was to ask dad what was it and it grabbed the phone right away and not one word came out of his mouth. Those photos were stuck in my head for so long. I went on my dads phone to see the same thing all over again until I was tired of seeing whatever I saw and I went to my mom and you can guess what happend later that day. Another huge fight. What I was seeing was a big wake up call. I didn't see the same dad I saw before I saw all of that. I thought of him as a disgusting man. Why would see such photos. At the age of 11, I caught him cheating on mom. In that point I said no more. I told my mom that it was okay that they separate. Then she said that we have the wait longer because my brother got so close to my dad. We moved in a house when I was 8. I had my own room with a door and everything. My past apartment had no doors so I was really happy. I never thought that a place that I loved would be a place that I didn't want to be in. My dad started figuring out that I started to understand what was going on, so then we started to argue. I was in the 6th grade. That's when my mental health when downhill. I used to see this person at my school almost everyday. I talked to her about my problems everyday and it did help. I played soccer at the time. I had so much love for the sport. It was one of the few things that made me happy. The 7th grade was by far the worst year. Jan2019-May2019. By far the worst. My thoughts were a mess. I think you can guess what I was thinking. I didn't want to think these awful thoughts but I was just so exhausted. I just got worse and worse. Mentally and physically exhausted everyday. My dog died in feb of 2021. One of the worst days of my life. Cried myself to sleep for months until I was so tired that I couldn't open my eyes. I've never felt worse. I'm only 15 now.

1 year ago

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