I guess any advice would be cool? Or at least some encouragement since I don't really know how to think anymore. So I don't know if he'll ever see this. I don't know if I'll ever have the guts to tell him, others have, I just never had it in me lol. He made me feel like garbage for years, not a boyfriend just a friend of mine. I remember he always used to punch me around when we were like 11, it wasn't hard or anything but he only ever did it to me and was VERY persistent about it, like the wouldn't stop after I said so kind. He did it so much he was the big factor in my jumpy/flinching problem with people. He'd put me down a lot too, like if it was a thing he did to everyone I wouldn't be so sensitive to it since that would just be "his thing" but it was only ever to me. Then one day he tries to date me (I'm lesbian) because he was "my guy exception" - at the time all I thought was someone likes me so I'll date them. Nothing happened it just rubbed me the wrong way. Then he met my best friend. Don't get me wrong, she is very pretty but he takes it too far every time. He would always act so creepy towards her and say things to us that would be so uncomfortable. Like when she dated someone he once texted me saying he would watch them (as in sex) and I just put the phone down lol. The two of them had dated before but broke up and I can only assume he tried to get back with her but she rejected him since when WE dated and broke up he just used that as an excuse to rag on her and get others to hate her instead of trying to help me. It was around that time that everyone in out friend group is talking about him, no one likes him anymore to be honest since it's made apparent that he's now being shitty to out other friends. Not to mention the over 50 screenshots I have of things he's said to me and my friends that are just so icky and disgusting. My friend would send me photos of the things he said to her as well, the worst one being that he "would change if she wanted him to". He never will change, that's what he said the last time he was on thin ice with all of us but we're all thinking it was just to get back with my friend. Last couple of things I'll put, this is getting long but hey, 5000 limit lol: He once called me while I was out with some friends to say that her and one of her other exes (who are now great friends) were in the park HOLDING HANDS. I said aw that's nice and he just went off on me like "wdym that's nice???" and my biggest regret is saying that I didn't care and hanging up lol. Turns out they both saw him staring and held hands on purpose which I found hilarious. And at school, any time we would be in art together and I would be hugging my friend or just talking to her while he was on the other side of the room I would catch him staring. I could just tell how judgmental it was lol. But he's going to a seperate college and we won't ever have to see him again. He's made me feel like garbage about myself and that I was always the bad guy and tries to make it all better by saying I'm a good person and a great friend which only makes me feel worse since then I'm left to sit on it and think if I'm really a bad person and just giving him a hard time which I know I'm not. I just really really hate him, like I've never been able to hate someone more than I do him. I hope maybe one day I'll be able to tell him this but at the same time I kind of wish this whole thing dies with me.

2 years ago

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