ADDICTION - i feel selfish, but i wish when i went to sleep on april 9th that i hadn’t woken up in an ambulance....

i feel selfish, but i wish when i went to sleep on april 9th that i hadn’t woken up in an ambulance.. the idea that i could’ve gotten an out without feeling like i have to plan it makes me ache in a way i can’t even explain. i just wish no one had been there or noticed.. and i have to convince myself not to do it again almost every day. it all hurts.