my dad died when i was 12, my uncle died wjen i was 14, my grandpa is sick, and my brother has severe mental health issues and i feel like the world is against me. ive always hated how i look despite my mum and other people telling me im gorgeous but i tjink they're just being polite. today was the last straw when my brother brought up my weight in an argument. it was dumb, just about watching youtube and then he accussed me of saying hes fat even though i never did and then he basically said im being a hypocrite because ive gained weight recently. i lost it. ive never rlly told anyone that i hate myself but i screamed it at him and ran to my room and he started saying "that was me the other night" as if i dont feel like this every day. so i told him that every fucking day this happens and hes been real quiet since. i also have netball today and the uniforms havent arrived so i have to wear my old sport uniform which barely fits and i feel so self-conscious about it and i really dont want to go even though i am one of the only shooters so i have to. and school, its so stressful and i just cant do it. i never study or do homework because im so scared of failure so i pretend it isnt there. the only real positive right now is thay i can legally get my license in a few days and im so excited. but other than that i just want everything to be over. i want to die but i dont want to kill myself and ive felt like this for too long now. i just dont know what to do...
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