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Im really sad recently, my sister mistreats me all the time i just want to rant about what she does to me so TW: rant TW: Abuse TW: Eating disorders TW: getting sick she's called my ptsd my ego ( she's " apologized" for it but ik she doesnt mean it) I was abused by my dad and she told me to act nice to him when he scares me to death she knows i have an eating disorder and she has mentions diets, food, and all those triggering things and i start freaking out and i've relapsed multiple times because of her When she talks to new guys she always ignores me, and she tells me she loves me but when a new guy comes along she always makes him the center of her world and calls him '' the only thing keeping her going'' Our relationship and gotten really weird, i dont want her anymore, she makes me really ashamed of myself and is so mena to me all the time She is so different online, she is seen as this beautiful perfect girl, SHE HAS OVER 10K FOLLOWERS ON TIK TOK FOR CHRIST SAKE, she is so mean when i dont want to talk about something she forces me to tell her and she hits me if i dont, and since i have ptsd it make me have panic attacks, but when she doesnt want to talk about something i dont force her and i dont do anything and i tell her that i'll give her time i feel like i treat her better than the way she treats me and ik she doesnt deserve it but i always do, i'm so stupid for doing so, i should just stop, im so useless When i tell her that i like a guy or girl she looks at me in disgust or when i tell her a guy was staring at me she looks at me as if im lying or in disgust but when she talks about a guy staring at her and she tells him off i encourage her that, that was the good ting to do, i dont judge her and i feel stupid for not treating her the way she treats me, she scares me , im scared of her When i told her that someting she said was found offensive she went on a whole rant on how im sensitive and how everyone does it and then she looks at me and said, " You ruined the whole mood, this is your fault.'' That broke me, i wanted to die, i just wanted to get run over, in no way am i suicidal but soemtimes i just want to die, im only 13, i dont deserve this, when i told her i didnt want to do soemthing for her she hit me and called me annoying, i then had a panic attack and she looked at me in disgust When i was in 6th grade i was given a choice to go to her school once i get to 7th grade i decided that i wnated to stay in the school i was at but i was so scared to tell my sister, that shouldnt be normal for sibling to be scared to tell their sibling something, i told her and she started telling me that im such a horrible person and that im selfish, i wnated to cry but kept in my tears, i always keep in my tears but once im alone i can never get them out Im finally getting money and buying clothes i love and she always tries to discourage me from getting money, she doesnt want me to get money because she's jealous of me She has asked to do my makeup 3 times and eachtime she makes me look like an idiot, she makes me look ugly and she laughs at me, she makes me hate myself, and she tries to show my family and once she tried to show one of her boyfriends and i told her i was uncomfotable she called me dramatic She always tried to take pictures of me, i've constantly told her that im uncomfortable woth photos and they make me unhappy, she rolls her eyes and says , ''You do too much, just get the picture taken it's not that serious.'' Whenever she makes me upset or she yells at me or calls me annoying i stop talking because i dont want to cry, then she pretends like nothing happened and when i respond blandly she says,'' WHAT YOU'RE MAD NOW!?'' and if i say yes she asks why and if i dont tell her she either hits me or she keeps calling things when i once felt confident without my glasses i said, '' I'll probably wont wear my glasses i think i look nice.'' She said,'' You sure becuase then you start complaining about headaches,'' and then she kept going now i'm scared of getting sick and her listing all those things freaked me out so i went with my glasses and felt so ugly She's force fed me when i had seperation anxiety, she always called me dramatic and annoying, ( this is when i was like 8 or 9) it wasnt a fun childhood i had, i felt like no one liked me at a young age so then i restricted anyone to say i love you, It always hurt when someone said it, im now learning she recently took me somewhere where i could help her sell some strawberries and i have severe social anxiety i was incharge of the napkins and giving it to people and i froze up she then says ,'' GIVE it to them." aggresivly and i froze i couldnt move i wanted to just run and cry she then takes it from my hands and hands it to them and then when they leave she belittles my feelings and says ,'' It isnt that hard.'' in a digusted tone of voice