Dear Sam, Dude idek where to start honestly. I guess I could say I miss you? But that would be one of the most confusing things. Becuase, I dont. I just tend to miss the way you would take care of me. You were the first person to ever do that for me. I mean my dad was a achoholic and my mom worked all the time. So MENTALLY no one was ever there for me. I grew up on my own. No one ever tought me what it was like to feel, think and have an opinion, everythings really funny actually, to give you an idea of what it was like having those parents, my mom fought her whole life to get away from her mother and her mothers boyfrined ever sense she was my age. And funny enough her boyfriend at the time did the exact same thing. My dad, well hes a big mess long story short he was an achoholic. But hes still my dad and hes finally trying now. In around 6 months he would have offically tried to genuingly be in my life for a whole year. Anywyas Im off topic. Yk, you were just the cherry on top. I finnally got my best friend. No one can convince me otherwise either way, you just happened to be frineds with her. Then you saw me. I mean honestly I already had alot going on at the time. You begged. Litterally begged to be with me. And then you took my virginity. I thought we agreed to be together and wait till I was 20? Dude fuck you. We were 13. I didnt want to. Every single time. I was just a kid. Then after that, deadass nothing about me was a kid. I was already mentally older, now physically. Now that wasnt that bad. But I think what hurt me the most is everytime I thought you had changed. And I cant get over you. In the end, why after completely breaking my heart and waisting my time, did you take my best friend away too. Just because she wanted to be popular. I think around a year later is when it started hitting me. Hes really not mine. And I was okay with that. Becuase he is a horrible person. But then I think about how amazing he was whem I had famly problems? Anyways idk, One night when i was really sad, the oldest cousin I have hes 16 and he offered for me to drink, I ofc was like uh yeah duh you know? Had to get away. But then I got to a point till I was really bad. I only remimber tht from that night. He got me really drunk then I was explaing hwo i was raped I didnt chose to get my virginity taken awyas bla bla bla but then while we were in the living room with HIS BROTHERS and MY SISTERS he asks me to give him head. I think the scariest thing abt it is that he KEPT getting closer and god. I was so scared and I was still tipsy bit I def sobered up. either way scared me to death. After that Ive only told one person. Its okay though now. I just wish I could tell you about things. And I miss you. And the thing is, I dont miss you. I just miss how I felt. How you felt. I was so in love with you. But I wish nothing but the best for you.

2 years ago

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