I just wish I still had my mother. Back in 2018 she got into a motorcycle accident. She suffered from severe brain damage for about 6 months after the crash, until she eventually passed in January of 2019. Her and my dad had been married at this point. Years prior to this, at age three, those same parents divorced. My mom married a new guy, who ended up passing away from a heart attack a few years later. 2013 my parents got back together again and a year later they had my brother. We are about 10 years apart. He had a chance to bond with both parents, unlike me who had always been with my mom for the most part. On my dads weekends I’d go to my grandmothers house or I’d be stuck with my dads girlfriends kids. So you can imagine, I don’t have a wonderful relationship with my dad. I’d talk to my dad through my mom when we all lived together the second time around. Then. One night. My dad was going to be gone for the weekend at a bachelors party. My mom came home. And yelled at my cousins (who had been staying the night) and me. And she was being super mean and telling us we couldn’t leave the room we were in. I figured out why later that night. She was cheating on my dad. I didn’t know what to do, so I never did anything. Then a few years after- the accident happened. Then there was nothing I COULD do. She was in a coma for awhile. So I would just sit in the room talking and hoping she could hear me. One night, as my dad and I sat in the parking lot waiting to go inside to see her, I exploded into tears. Telling him all the things I knew that had been going on and how awful I felt. He told me that she had told everything to my uncle AJ (changing name for confidentiality)- (her best friend) who had told him everything after she crashed. Then she started to get better around November. and she could talk, but she didn’t make any sense sometimes. And I never got a chance to speak with her. So I was stuck. Struggling with the things I knew. Struggling with myself because I was losing my mother and I had no one. Struggling because I was so sad. Struggling because I knew what was going to come of it. My dad got a girlfriend about two months before she passed away in hospice. I was angry. The fact that he decided to get a girlfriend while his wife was in the hospital, filled me with rage. I understand that she did horrible things at some point, but she was dying. And his children were losing their mother. And he just thought that was okay? Left us to take care of himself. Then in January 2019 she did pass. Since then, my dad got a different girlfriend. She moved in, and so did her kids. I have grown to love her kids as my own brothers. They are my bestest friends. The only thing is.. the lack of care we all receive from them both. My dad doesn’t care about me. I’m the one who is cared for the least. Sure yes, I’m 17 at this point, but I do not have a parent that I can confidently talk to. No support. I get stuck doing things for her and her kids that I do not wish to do. Because she doesn’t want to do them. Because she’d rather go mess around with my dad and forget she has kids. Because all the parents want to do is sit at home and drink. So I suffered. Over the quarantine for Covid I was admitted to the psyche ward. Not because my dad wanted to help me, but because an officer from school made him admit me somewhere. He took me there. Never asked if I was okay. Never checked up on me with words. He came to family visits when I was there and made jokes. I did not enjoy it. We had a meeting before I left, where we talked about expectations and I told him what I wanted. I wanted more communication. I wanted us to have conversations that made it sound like we cared about each other. Simply. Hey how was your day today. And since then, that hasn’t happened once. I came home and everyone acted like it never happened. I never went. My dad will often make jokes regarding my dead mother and his girlfriend will laugh along. I tell him it’s not funny. When her death date comes up, he tells me to get over it. My dad will scream at my brother until he is crying and unable to breathe, and threaten him with something like “next time you do that I’ll beat your a** black and blue” and my brother will Sob and think they hate him. He is only 7. He’s been through so much already. I just needed somewhere to rant.

2 years ago

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