Why am I lonely? I don't know. Do I like being lonely? Or is that just a front so I don't feel worse? I want to cut everyone off. But I can't. I mean it's not like most of them care about me anyways. What if they want to just use me. The adults in my life say that I don't have any real problems and worries. And I should just enjoy being a kid. What they don't know is that even though I am 13 that doesn't mean shit. If I don't have real problems, why would I want to end it? Why would I want to hurt myself? I want a therapist but even if I had one I wouldn't want to tell her shit. I sound like such a fucking cry baby. Why do I feel the need to take care of everyone else? In most cases, in friendships I just get used; taking advantage off . I don't know why. I guess I am an easy target once I trust you. Why do I need so much reassurance? I think I am so annoying. And ugly. Why did I eat today? Why do I have a fear of someone abandoning me so I leave them first. Am I really that heartless? Why do I feel the need to pick up the blade? How come i feel lonely even in a big room of people?
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