Do you ever have someone that you absolutely love, but they hurt you so much? They somehow are still my favorite notification no matter how much they hurt me. I have two boyfriends (polyamorous). The one I'm talking about right now hurts me without doing anything at all. The other one cares about me deeply and I just don't find joy in texting them like I do the toxic one. I don't know why. I wanna hear his voice all the time- he keeps me going but always finds some way of fucking up what we just spent all day talking and fixing in our relationship. I want someone like him minus the abusiviness. I've never been able to find anyone else like him in the slightest. He was the first person I trusted after trying to fix my trust issues- he made them worse. He ruined any chance at me being confident. I trusted him when I showed how I looked without baggy clothes- that was a mistake. However, with my other boyfriend he does everything right and makes me smile but it's just not the same. I'm hooked- it hurts.
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