I feel like my life is going nowhere and that I’ll end up being mediocre my entire life. I’m 19 and I have nothing to show for it. I work at a fast food chain and nothing interesting in my life happens. It’s all monotonous. I feel like I’m stuck living in some kind of loop. I go to work and go home, repeat. My routine has been the same for months and it’s exhausting. I hate my job, but I need to make money. My boyfriend is constantly working and I don’t get to spend a lot of time with him. Not only that, but I get into arguments with my boyfriend over how lazy I am when I don’t clean. But forcing myself to do anything else is hard and exhausting. Half of the time it’s a struggle to get out of bed in the morning to go to work. I’ve had semi-suicidal thoughts? Not in the sense where I want to hurt myself but I’ll sit there and wonder what it’d be like to die. I know if I actually killed myself, it would hurt my family, my friends and my boyfriend. I couldn’t do that to them, but I don’t want to continue the life I’m living. I want to be someone better, but that seems impossible. I don’t know if I can ever improve myself or change who I am. I want to be better and happier, but I don’t know how to.

2 years ago

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