I lost my grandmom a little under a year ago. We were extremely close and I told her everything. I’m not close to anyone like that. I went to her for everything and I don’t know how to live without her. My family isn’t very emotional or good at consoling. I feel lost and broken. I post videos of me crying on my Snapchat private story with my friends. I explain how it feels like I’m drowning in an ocean surrounded by people and no one sees me. No one ever responds. Maybe one person but he is going through something too and he can’t help himself and help me(I don’t blame him and wish him the best) I am screaming for help and no one is listening. Sometimes I want to die. I want to see her again so bad it scares me. I have no one yet I’m surrounded by friends and family. I don’t know how to describe this feeling of complete helplessness. Im trying to fill this void. It takes my breath away every time I think of her last words to me. She told me not to worry because she will dance with me at my wedding. She passed before I was even seventeen. I act happy constantly I work 35 hours a week, I drown myself in things to do. Then I can’t even get out of bed. It is actually killing me. But my parents will call me dramatic. My siblings won’t say anything. My friends will pretend they don’t see my turning into someone else. I’m alone without her and I’m the only one who sees it.