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I’ve been wanting to ask someone for help for a long time… I’ve been feeling this pain in my chest that’s caused by feelings of stress, anxiety, but mostly depression. I know what you are gonna say, “have you gone to the doctor” no I have not, I don’t need to, I just need to find a way to channel my pain into something else. I was thinking about channeling my pain into a different kind of pain, one I can heal, like cutting my wrists, or scraping my legs. I know that cutting your wrists is technically “self harm” but it seems like a logical plan. I just hope it works, I hate myself and the pain I have. I just need it to go away. In case you were wondering, my depression and anxiety is rooted in the fact that my parents expect me to be the perfect girl. Perfect grades, good friends, they don’t even want me to cut my hair the way I want because they expect me to want it long. My sister was not a great kid, neither were either of my brothers. I am the youngest, they referred to me as “the light at the end of the tunnel” However I am not the perfect girl. I can’t be, the perfect girl in their eyes is a straight, religious, smart, beautiful, ambitious, self-confident girl. I am not straight, I’m bi. I won’t be beautiful in their eyes if I cut my hair, I’m anything but self-confident and I am not ambitious. I don’t know how to live with myself when I am hiding behind this mask. I tell everyone around me that I am fine, but in reality I’m lying, and all I want to do is crawl into the corner of my room and cry for days. I don’t know how to be the girl my family expects me to be. The gurl they think I am. I have no idea how long I can keep the charade going, at some point my mask will crack and I don’t know when it’s all going to come flooding out. I hate myself for wearing this mask. And I just want the pain to go away…