do you even know what i’m going through? it’s so obvious how don’t you know. why cant you see through the shield i’ve put up. it’s a weak one. i want you to know so bad. so you can save me from my suffering. but i don’t want to tell you. i want to show you. i am showing you. are you blind to my emptiness, my hollowness. are you blind to my anger. are you blind to my sadness. how i don’t want to go anywhere. how i haven’t been sleeping much. how i don’t have any interests anymore. how i constantly stress and get nervous. my scars, have you noticed my scars? where do you think they came from? a scratch from a tree? have you ever thought to question yourself or do you just not care, it’s visible to you you see them everyday, but you don’t show even the slightest bit of concern, how do you think that makes me feel, that you don’t care about my scars, my marks, what i’ve been through, what i’m going though, it makes me want to curl up in an empty room and cry, forever, and be in such a sad state that my tears will end up being a comfort, that they are the only things that hold me. how haven’t you noticed, your own kid, me. i’m suffering, and you keep on adding to everything, yelling at me, igniting my scarred feelings rather than healing them, by the constant telling of how i am not productive, how i don’t do anything, how i am fat and short and ugly and stupid and the most disgusting person to live and i’d rather not. rather not put up with it and i would choose to give up on everything rather than have stupid hope, something that only exists in the films or books. i don’t have any and i don’t have the will to have it. i want to give up, end it all, and remove myself from the world, i don’t matter in this world. no one can tell me otherwise, keep your foolish support to yourself because i know how bad things are for me and only i know, that is why i’m suffering. i am in denial, i don’t think i’m depressed, i’m making all this up. after all. i have such a good life. good family, good money. food. everything. but i’m suffering. i’m empty inside. i cant take this anymore. i want to end myself but i just need that one last push of energy. energy i don’t have. you might think i’m just throwing stupid tantrums, after all, i’m an attention seeker, i grab attention at the moment i seek it. that’s what u think. i don’t want your attention, i don’t want people to notice me. i don’t want people to think about me. let them forget me, if they remember it will just ruin their memory. but i need help. i need my parents help. though i just can’t, i cant open up to you guys. i just can’t tell you. i’m sorry for that. i want someone, anyone to help me. i hate this so much. i just can’t. i’m not throwing tantrums i don’t want attention, i can die in my own despair, despair that none of you understand.

1 year ago

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