I hate the sound of my own crying. I can't cry anymore, because every time I feel my breath becoming shaky I put on the brakes. I used to make it work with pillows over my mouth and ears. It made it hard to breath but at least I didn't have to hear the pathetic sobs that I croak out. I hate the way I look when I cry, I hate the way I look in general. I can't even smile at myself in the mirror. But when I feel the tears start to come I know my lips curl and my eyes scrunch up. I'm like an infant wailing in its crib, and I feel gross. My emotions are gross things that only bother people.
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