i've struggled with anxiety and depression for about 4 years now. 9 months ago i got on meds and i started therapy in january this year. i got better, or so i thought. lately ive noticed that when faced with an inconvenience or conflict, my reaction is to hurt or unalive myself. i know its an easy way out and will put an end to it. my father has been asking me to put the rake in the backyard away for 2 weeks now. its such a simple task and would take no more than 5 minutes, if that. but i would forget. whenever i would remember, i was doing something else, or said 'in 5 minutes', but i kept not doing it. i know i should have just got up and done it, but i didnt. today he yelled at me and said that i can just sleep outside because i keep forgetting. my first thought was my bottle of pills. the ones i know will do the most harm. and if not the pills, than the razor in my bathroom. i dont know how to ask for help without scaring my mother or getting in trouble again. when does it end? when will it stop? if this is how my life will be, then maybe i shouldn't be here.

1 year ago

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