Stop making it so fucking difficult for me to get over you. It's not that I want to because I don't, it's the fact that I know I'll have to do it some day. I know how much harder it's going to be for me to move on in the future so that's why I'm trying to do it now. But I love you so fucking much, I don't wanna leave you like that. I know what we had was amazing and that I'll never find it in anyone else but we're only holding each other back. Fuck sake. Why did it have to be you? Why did you have to be the one I fell for? Why did you have to be the one to break my heart? Why did you have to be the one I don't wanna let go of? Why did you have to be the one to stop my bad pattern? If you didn't treat me the way you did I probably would of been the one to leave you. This time its me who got heart broken. I hate how things ended. I really do. I hate how my last words to you before you left was "Just fuck off please." It wasn't my place. I hate myself so much for that and it hurts me every single fucking time I think about it. If I knew that was the last time I was able to talk to you as my lover I would of done everything differently. What the fuck is wrong with me? I have never in my life cried so much over someone. Its been 5 months. It still really hurts. I hate this. I wanna tell you I love you but I can't. That's not how things work. I miss you more than anything. You're my person. My other half. Everything I want but I can't have.
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