Yesterday. God it started off so bad but got better. That was when I came back from staying at R's house (I made a vent about this earlier). I had texted my ex when I got home about what had happened at our "friends" house where he gave me hickeys without my knowledge. But yeah anyway, it's complicated between us. We're on very good terms. They're still my best friend and favourite person. Its confusing because we have a thing but we also don't. I'm not too sure on how to describe it but it makes sense to me. Anyway. They had asked me to hang out. I obviously said yes because being with them is my favourite thing to do. They came to my house and we started to walk to the town. We were close to a University that we always walk through as a shortcut. There was a part that had 0 cameras and it wasn't visible. I unbuttoned the upper half of the shirt I was wearing. I turned around to them to show them all of the hickeys I was given. I started to cry. They handed me back my other shirt I was wearing. Once I had it on they pulled me into a hug which made me cry even more. Their hugs always made me feel safe. It was something I definitely needed. After that, we proceeded to walk the rest of the way through campus. They started to tell me all the stuff that happened when I wasn't there in their class. They made jokes about how I'm like a little guard dog. They had also made jokes about how they were trying to get me jealous and stuff earlier which was funny. Then they said how they're waiting for me to just write my name on the bottom of their shoe with a sharpie. Which gave me the idea to do so. I bought a pen and a sharpie. I used the pen and write my name on their hand as a joke to show that they're "mine". We walked about the shops for a bit and kept making flirty jokes with each other. We then walked to a placed I wanted to take them too for a while. So we hung out there for a bit. I then said how we should leave and I grabbed their hand to hold it. I got called a simp by them which then made me say "well you're not letting go". We held hand the whole way to an ice cream van that was about 10 min away because they wanted to get ice cream. We got our ice cream and walked about the big park. The whole time we were still making flirty jokes with each other. We came across this bench and they asked for the sharpie. They wrote our first initials on it and the date we first met. We had a conversation and after that we got up and started waling again. I saw a tree that was still growing and I sad "Oh wow, we should write-" I didn't get to finish my sentence because they were already on their way to the tree. They wrote our first initials again and they were running away like an idiot. We held hands again and proceeded to leave the park. I had mentioned how I waned a cake but didn't at the same time. They said how they wanted one too so we walked to a shop that we didn't know would be open or not. Spoiler, it wasn't. We then walked for another 15 to another shop. We got a cake in there and took it to a spot where we would always sit when we were together. We ate the cake and talked. They had to leave and their father asked if I wanted to get McDonalds with them, which I agreed to. So we went to the car and we drove to McDonalds. They dropped me home and I went to my room. I sat on my bed and just thought about what had happened. I'm extremely confused on what our relationship is because we have broken up and stuff yet we have all these moments where we flirt, and we literally held hands- but we haven't talked about it and I don't really think we will. Well, for a while anyway. Its been 5 months since we broke up. We've only started talking again in April. I don't know. I'm just going to not worry about it right now and I'll just see what happens.

2 years ago

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