I don't want to b here I hate my life I just want the pain to go away an the only way I see that happening is if I just kill myself I can't cope no more all the pain in my life and everything I've been threw I can't deal with it I've never really spoke about it I think that's y it hurts so much even wen I think about it i cry so I just don't want to think an the only way I can not think or feel is wen am dead my brain is no longer working and I will b ok then I'm 27 an have been depressed since I was 12 an its got serverlly worse ive selfharmed since 13 i then done drink an drugs by 14 an gettin arrested I finally got a big sentence at 20 an spent a few years in prison wet I only got worse ther was no drink or drugs to make me feel numb I had to deal with thoughts an feelings an I couldn't I tryed to kill myself numerous times by ligitures some came to close but I wish they didn't save me I hate them for saving me bcoz now I have to keep goin threw the pain again ov trying I'm now 27 and out of prison but life isn't the same out her I don't no any1 anymore i feel like a ghost to them now I no longer belong out here I no longer have a life it makes me want to die even more I can't get help because people ask for help for attention an that's not me I've never opened up b4 I just don't no how or wear to start but my crisis started at 6yrs old I've been threw alot of trauma since an 20yrs of trying to deal with it I just can't speak I just can't it upsets me and I just can't cry it's weak to cry people can't see me upset ahhh I don't no.....
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