I always known I wasn't the prettiest, or the best person in the room. I've always known where I stand on the beauty radar. However, it only hit me last night on how ugly I am. I'm surrounded by people alot prettier than me, and I get that. But it still hurts when you go out with them, and group our age just chat her up and try to get attention, where I am left on my own because hey we don't want the ugly friend. And usually I don't let shit like that affect me, but it wasn't just abut those particular group of guys who pushed me to side like scum and only cared for the good ooking friend. It was also the girls, we made friends at the bar or well I did most of the speaking on behalf of my friend because we wanted more people to join us. But it took a quick turn when we all went back down, I was once against discarded by the now group we have created, but don't get me wrong the girl I was with did try to get me join more, but I was still getting pushed away - I wasn't added into any of those snaps, I didn't have guys wanting to dance with me. I was pushed aside like I was nothing. And it hurt, I never really question my looks because I'm fine with who I am, but the club has gotten me questioning. The only attention I got was from a creepy 40 year old trying to grab my hand. And tbh the night was okay, even though I spent half it trying to protect my friend from the guys who wanted to dance (she didn't want them to). And the other half not fully being added into it. But if I'm being honest this happens with all my other friends I go out with - I'm not the one the guys want, they get the attention, and I'm not jealous of how they look nor do I want them to be ugly or something stupid. I just want to be accepted.  I think that's the fine about this whole rant, I don't want to change who I am, I don't have a problem with who I am. But I want the people around me to accept who I am, and include me in things and don't push me away. Because fuck that shit hurts.

1 year ago

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