I've been literally almost begging my closest "friends" to be there for me. Letting them know straight up that shit is not ok but its blatantly obvious they don't give a fuck. Been 3.5 months since I told 3 of them that I might have cancer, not a damn 1 of them has even mentioned anything about it to me since. And this entire time I've been debating if I even want to try & fight or not but I really don't think I do. I hate literally every fucking aspect of my life, why the fuck would I try & live longer? I haven't been anywhere near this depressed since my gf died a few years ago & I've literally never felt this God damn alone before. I hate it. I just need somebody to actually give a fuck. Literally the only reason I haven't killed myself is I can't do that to my mom.. It's been so God damn long that I don't even know what it feels like to be happy anymore. Why the fuck can't I just be happy??......
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