Before i start, i’m a girl. When i was 8, my brother took advantage of my innocence and sensitivity. He molested me, him being 13 at the time. He only stopped because my parents found out and i don’t wanna think about what would’ve happened if they didn’t. I’m 13 now, and hes 18. My parents sort of abandoned it, trying to forget that it ever happened. I thought it was a good idea when i was younger, but now i feel like i’ve been isolated and if i told them, they would’ve done the bare minimum about it like they actually did. That’s why i am closed off about my problems to mostly everyone except strangers because i feel like people would just not care enough to do anything about it or they would want to leave me because i’m being selfish to only talk about myself. I’m always thinking about it and i seriously think everyone else (meaning only my parents and brother) forgot about it which makes me pissed but i don’t wanna bring it up and ruin our family but i feel like i need to be heard. when i was 8 i didn’t know what to do about the situation so i didn’t do anything. now that i’m older, i’m upset with everyone that knows for leaving me alone in my room after. i spent the next few days staying in my room because i felt like i did something wrong because no one was talking to me. so i cried and cried more because i felt like they hated me, even though i was the victim. i still hate myself since i didn’t tell anyone about it when it was happening, but i felt as if i didn’t have a voice at the time about it since i was so young. they literally took advantage of me BECAUSE of my age, which i now can’t accept but it’s not like i can do anything about it anymore. the only person who knows about this that isn’t my family is this one girl who went through the same thing. she’s the only one who i felt that i could all about, even if we didn’t know each other very well. i only knew about her situation because she was so open about it on social media. she posted on her snapchat story about it, which made me feel comfortable enough to tell her. i praise her so much for speaking up about it because i know i could never be that brave to bring it up to literally everyone at my school, but she doesn’t care which i wish i didn’t either. i hate myself for not talking about it because i want to be heard, but not judged which is hard to accomplish since most people i talk to won’t understand since i’ve only known a few people who’ve been through the same thing. i still keep in slight touch with the girl, but we aren’t as close as friends or anything like that. when i went through my lowest, which was actually very recently, i made another account on snap, hoping to get away from everyone and everything i knew in my life. i deactivated that account since it didn’t help at all. i now still don’t really know what to do and i really want to tell my friends but i’m scared to because i don’t want to force a bad image towards my brother who my friends will only see him as a monster. i want to hate him. i do. but it’s hard to since he probably forgot about it and is now your “normal” brother. you know, your typical son/brother with a younger sister who never once thinks about sexually abusing her. i want to tell people, i want to talk to my parents about it, i want to have a voice about it. but i feel like i can’t because people will see me different and i’m scared my parents will get mad at me for bringing it up in the first place. i don’t know what to do. i’ve taken a bottle of pills in my room and stared at it, taking off the cap and taking 2, debating if i should take more. i’ve taken scissors into my room and cut my wrists, hiding it after. i’ve thought about taking my life so many times feeling so dirty with that secret that i can’t really tell anyone. it’s going to stick with me for the rest of my life. i know i’m young and i know it would possibly get better as i get older. but i’ve been thinking that for the past 5 years and i can never let this go. i have no idea what to do with myself right now and i do have strong feelings of not wanting to deal with the stress, even if the cost is taking my life. but i’m totally freaked out over death, which is mainly why i’ve never attempted suicide. i’m happy i have that phobia, since it has kept me here but i just want to get away from everyone and everything i know. i want to start over. i want chances to keep my innocence and be a child. i want my childhood back. i just want my life back. i want to start all fucking over again, which is why i hate life for not having a restart button. life would’ve been so amazing with it and i wouldn’t have gone through what i did. i want to isolate myself from everything, but i’m scared to be alone. and i feel like no one understands me even if they’ve been through what i have, but they haven’t been through everything ive been through. i lost a sibling before i was born, them only being 3 months. ive lost my innocence, ive lost trust with my dad

2 years ago

It makes me feel better that I’m not alone. My brother touched me when I was younger and I told me parents a year later. I was scared. I didn’t want people to see my brother as a monster too. My brother is very nice but I wonder if he’s sorry for what he did. I think about suicide but my fear of death as kept me away as well. I know we don’t know each other but I hope you are doing better know. I feel the pain you feel and I want you to know that you’re not alone.

2 years ago