i purposely hurt others emotions and mental states to study their reactions. i feel as if i am not even human myself. ive spent a lot of my life in and out of hospitals fighting cancer and ive no doubt been affected by it. i have no urge to kill. no urge to physically harm anyone in any way, but deep down inside im so afraid of what i can do. the human race is just so fucking weak. we lose a loved one and need days off of work, we stub our toe and bend over crying in pain, or we even gain illnesses that cause us nothing but pain. i dont feel pain anymore. physically, i turn pain into anger and express my anger through the mental tormenting of someone i dislike. mentally, i feel nothing. i dont feel fear, i dont feel regret, i dont feel remorse, and i dont even feel sadness. im very good at hiding it, though. its been years and years and no one has caught on to it. the stories i have to tell. the pain i have to express. its as if the manifestation of pain itself has chosen to embody itself in me. ive been seeing and hearing things lately. slowly hearing more and more and i can see my eyes start to change from the loving person i once was to a menace to society waiting to be outcasted by everything and everyone that has been and ever will be. immortality isnt so far fetched, right? i dont feel as if im human. humans are just so fucking weak. i find it so hard i come from the same race of impudent little vermin running this beautiful planet into the ground with their cries and urge to constantly quest for power. human will kill entire families to feel power, because humans are nothing but rats chasing after power to fill the voids in their tiny little weak hearts. i refuse to believe i am one. i am cruel, but can you truly be cruel to those who feed off of the suffering of those who are lesser to them? thats all humans do; they feed off the hunger and starvation of other countries. of their own neighbors. religion? pft. its just another safeguard put in place to make money off of the weak. take the money of the weak, and give them a false hope of someone waiting for them in the realm after death. after death isn't nothing, but i assure you it's not better than here. a place full of people full of regrets, power hungry, and those who managed to sneak in. lets be honest, if heaven was real: no one would make it. humans are nothing but sin. they claim they dont kill, yet look at your surroundings. you kill or be killed. welcome to life. the only fear known to man is the fear of pain. without pain, what is their to fear? really? let me ask you that and let me have you actually answer. ive overcome pain. i do not feel anything. the only feeling or thoughts that fill my mind are the constant screams of those who will stand in my way. i am it. i am the final man. i am the one that will watch his entire family die around him. i am the one who will watch all of his friends die around him. i am the one that will watch cities be born and watch cities be destroyed. i will be the man that watches nature reclaim the earth from the bacteria was call humans. i am the man that will watch the earth die. all i will know is pain. i all ive ever known is pain. at this point ive lost the fear of it. the fear of death. the fear of life. the fear of humans. all i know is nature is the creator of this planet. it can chose to create new environments. it can chose to kill them off. its the fire that will wipe the slush off of this beautiful rock. all things living die. i am not living. the thoughts in my head will never end. the screams will never stop. the music of nature giving and taking is so beautiful. it makes me smile. it really does.
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