some of my friends call me des. its short for desideratum. ill share a transcript of my most recent interaction with my mom. me: "you should give me a drag." mom: "absolutely not, you know what people would say." me: "who gives a fuck about them? it's just a drag. no big deal. i'm fuckin' 16 anyway." mom: ". . ." me: "thanks." mom: "oh god, i'm the worst mother ever. des, im the worst mother ever." me: "no, of- of course not. i get it, like, i know im your son, but i'm also your best friend. and im here to help with anythin' you got you know? i- i mean, i get that you don't have- you feel like you don't have anyone to turn to sometimes, and i got my license and a job so quickly to fix that y'know?" mom: "i know." me: "so-uh. i'm your son, but i'm your go-to first sometimes. your best friend? mom: "you're my best friend des. will you always be my best friend?" me: "sure, mom." . . . me: "i mean, it's not my first and it won't be my last." mom: "i think i know that. you know, you didn't cough." me: "no, i didn't cough." mom: "are you telling me everything? do you ever tell me everything?" me: "i've told you enough." mom: "okay." i dont know. i dont really know what this is. i just needed to get this out there. its been on my mind for days.

2 years ago

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