I've always really struggled with my mental health. Whether it be my anxiety or depression or just my lack of self esteem. Its always been a big issue in my life and even though I've been going to therapy for a couple years and getting help I still struggle a lot with the way I think people see me. I've been on dating apps since I turned 18 a couple months ago just to have fun. I didn't think anything serious would come out of it. But something did. I met this guy. He's amazing and understanding that before him I haven't experienced anything with anyone. We've been going slow because that's what I needed for a while. But now I want more. Neither of us talk to other people and have both deleted our dating apps. We pretty much act like a couple without the label. I know I want more and he does too because we have talked about it but I'm struggling with overthinking a lot. On one hand I know how he feels about me because he is very open about it. But of course on the other hand I have the voice in my head telling me he doesn't really want me and that I'm not worth it. Because of that sometimes I go back and forth on him without really meaning to. I know that to have something official I need to put in the effort and show that but its hard when my head is telling me that I am going to ruin everything and he's not going to want me. Honestly I just don't know what to do. It sounds so dumb, like the answer should be obvious to me but its just not. I want him and I want all the things I have never experienced with anyone before with him. I just don't know how to say that or really show it. But losing him would break a really big part of me. In the couple months I've known him I've developed stronger feelings than I've ever imagined for him and I really couldn't imagine how losing him would feel. I love him...... and that's terrifying. But it's also amazing and exciting and I want to continue to experience it. I just need to figure out how to do that the best way possible.

2 years ago

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