i relapsed and i feel on the verge of death but everyone thinks im ok,but all the all i could think about was how badly i wanted to kill myself,everyday feels like a chore and now my arm burns because i decided to cut myself instead of healthily letting out my emotions,everyday feels like a chore and so does living,i just wish people got how i felt,one of my teachers tells me she knows how i feel, but does she truly know the dread that you feel when you constantly want to kill yourself? does she know how difficult it is to feel like everything you do burdens people,but you cant kill yourself because you would be even more of a burden,no one truly knows,ive gotten so well at hiding it,everyone is used to me wearing long sleeves so they wont be suspicious although i think i slipped up and my bestfriend may have saw my arm,i regret nothing,the stinging reminds me im here and alive,so as long a i have some source of pain (self made or not) i will know im here and that i cant leave quite yet,why does everything have to leave me feeling so terrible? i wish i could just leave without hurting anyone,because even though i fear death i feel nothing would be better than no longer being here,everything i do is a cry for help and yet i still dont have anyone asking me if im truly okay

2 years ago

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