I can't stop stressing. I just can't. In 2021 new years I lost my grandmother and the world stopped. (I lost my mother very young so she was the main female figure in my life after) Everything got so fucked up after that it's unreal. A great career opportunity showed up and I decided to leave my job, thinking that things are happening.. but instead what happened was covid. Ended up in a temporary job so temporary that I am still here.. the stress of my past job made me not wanna go back and on top of all that shit, I ended up collapsing when I visited my grandmothers house.. it was then my long term partner did not know how to efficiently support me and I got properly panicked about our relationship.. and I think I developed really strong trust issues.. now I am some days ok, some days just fine and some super paranoid as I live with my partner and I really don't know what to do. I don't feel ok, but also I don't know what the heck is wrong with me. I am easily spooked, feeling out of place and almost like floating in space and time... I understand that the grief+the job+partner let down +covid is an ok thing to freak out but I am desperate to feel like me again, to feel happy and strong on my feet... But I truly reached the point where I am double questioning my own sanity.

2 years ago

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