you know i’m really just giving up at this point. i don’t care abt school nothing. bot like i’m gonna have a future anyways. i typically lost the only boy i ever wanted. to something so stupid. that’s all my fault and i hate myself for it. i fucked my moms life up by making her move to a place where she has no friends and absolutely nothing. i’m hated by literally everyone. my dad and i have a bad relationship because of me. i keep telling myself i’m pretty, but am i really tho. no i’m just lying to myself like always. i actually fucking hate myself. everybody is just so fucking fake. talking behind your back, saying rude things to you to bring you down when you know damn well your already in a shit hole. cant even fucking made friends because i’m so goddamn ugly. why did i get made in the first place if i’m going to just hate myself. Tyler always reassured me that i was pretty and all that. but he was lying because he broke me AGAIN. you think i would have learned my lesson by now. but no. i’m ashley so i never will. ima fucking hoe. a slut a whore whatever. you know they say live your life to the fullest but should you really if your going to die anyways? like i’m sorry to myself but is it really worth to stay. when it’s not gonna get better. i really fucking love ****. i really do. but it’s just hard to choose from. how am i supposed to know what’s on the other side. and i build up all of my emotions and never let them out and i’m done i just can’t do it anymore. i tried so so hard. couldn’t even enjoy florida without ducking drama. because when she took my phone at night i overthink. and grandma can’t do everything for us because she needs things too. and everyone makes fun of me for my big forehead like i’m sorry i was made that way, i was never asked to me made. i’m failing all of my classes. ruining every friendship everything. but i make very bad decisions. like vaping. drinking. i made out with fucking ****** ***** dude. we were drunk. i didn’t know. but i lie about everything and i have to stop. i have to stop everything. redo my whole entrie life if that’s even possible. i would love to retry. but i have already lost everyone i’ve ever been close to to rumors, lies, depending who i’m friends with or not. but i’m really trying to be better again. it’s just i hung out with the wrong crowd and now i’m vaping, drinking, and smoking weed. what else could possibly happen. 2021 was supposed to be my year. but it’s only almost to march and i’m already fucking it up. ****** wants to drop me because i’m fake and i’m just like ****. yes i get that i lie a lot but it’s just who i am i guess. ***** fucks with my heart. saying he’s not talking to ******* and me getting proof that he is and them lying about it dude. like that fucking breaks my heart because i talked to him for so long. so fucking long. all the facetimes, messages, when we would hangout. i bet that is all going to change now. i thought that he really loved me dude. i really thought that. but life is fucked up i guess and so is love. i really need to stop getting so attached. because it’s becoming such a problem. but everyone always uses me. and ****** said one day your not gonna have money and yes thats true because i’m a neeedy little brat. that always has to get her way or she gets a hissy fit. and i’m trying to change. i’m trying to listen. i really am. but shit just keeps getting worse.

2 years ago

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