my parents make me really depressed, but i feel like im overexaggerating everything. my parents are currently going through a divorce and my mother keeps telling me that i have to make a choice on who i want to stay with, but ive told her and my father multiple times that i want it to be separated 50/50. whenever my mom gets mad at something, she takes it out on me even though im barely a teenager. she yells at me and calls me various things, saying that im a burden and that if it werent for me, she would be happy. she yells at me and then acts like nothing ever happened, so i dont know how to feel about it. its like one minute she's really mad, and then the next she's all happy and wants to spend time with me. going back to the 50/50 thing, my mom said that she wanted to move a few cities from where we live now and asked if i was okay with it, but it would be outside of my school district, and since ive finally made friends at my school after years of being alone, i told her i wasnt okay with her moving there, but she got mad at me again and isnt talking to me, saying that i have to make a choice (even though i already have). to add more, my two older brothers always take her side whenever i tell them about what she does and such. they, like my mother, also call me insignificant and useless. my father seems to be a nice person, but sometimes makes me uncomfortable by holding my arms or thighs, but i dont think he means any harm from it. my mom has also said that he was just being nice to me so i would like him more and so he could gain custody over me. she said he was manipulating me. my brothers have said that 'im the only one falling for his tricks'. to had even more, i got rejected after telling a girl i liked her, although i wasnt mad at her for it since she said that she was straight (i am a pansexual woman, by the way). i told her that it was fine, and that it was my fault that i got too attached. i cant even cry anymore, because my family makes fun of me whenever i do and they're always in the house because of the pandemic, so im constantly holding back tears. is that bad for you? i dont know.. i just dont know how to feel anymore. no one likes me, so whats the point in trying? if people are just going to hurt me, why should i bother trying to get them to stay? its all just a waste of my time. im sad. im sad and i dont know what to do about it. im still young, and i know other people have bigger problems, so i know im overthinking things. i havent told anyone how i feel, because i dont want to make them worry, or i dont want to feel like a burden. i dont know anymore. if i told my mom all of this, she would probably yell at me for being ungrateful. she would tell me everything she went through because of me and how her life is a lot worse than mine. she would say that im exaggerating my problems and that i just want attention, but maybe she's right? maybe i just want people to pay attention to me, even if its negatively. im sorry, i know people dont care because im a complete stranger. in fact, no one will probably even read this. i just dont know what to do anymore. sorry for wasting your time, and im sorry for possibly putting you in a bad mood. i dont want to push my problems on anyone. i just needed to rant to someone, or someplace. ive been holding it in for years. are things going to get better? i dont know who i should choose or what i should say. i dont want people to be affected by me. i dont want people to feel guilty, sad or angry. im sorry.
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