When I was 18 I was put into a hospital not a full-on mental hospital but a regular hospital with one floor dedicated to mental health for about 10 months I was in there for a multitude of things but one being and eating disorder no I wasn't bulimic but I just didn't eat at all despite that they still had me on a rule that I wasn't allowed to use the bathroom for 3 hours after I ate. They also made me drink obscene amounts of water to stay hydrated because of course they did. Anyway one time after about 2 weeks there an hour after lunch I really had to pee. I usually went before the meal but just didn't have a chance to this day. I told the staff and they told me that I had to wait another 2 hours per my rule. I tried to wait another hour but end up having to ask the staff again I even told them someone could come with me that's how bad I had to go. they told me no that I just have to hold it until the time is up. About another 30 minutes past and I just couldn't hold it any longer. I tried to run out of the room to get to a bathroom but they ended up restraining me and when they were straining me I ended up having an accident in front of everyone on the unit it was mortifying. and because of my rule and the fact I was being "uncooperative" I still wasn't allowed to leave so I had to stay on the unit in front of everyone in my wet clothes completely restrained unable to cover myself for the remainder of the 30 minutes in the hospital that I was at if you are at any point considered "uncooperative" or "combatant" you're not allowed to return to your room or be left unsupervised at any time until you have spoken with a psychiatrist which means I had to stay like that the entire time. I felt disgusting and downright humiliated not to mention the other patients laughing at me almost the entire time. After this incident they would make me wear "protection" (I hope you understand what I mean) before each meal and the three hours after each meal. it was absolutely degrading. the worst part was if I did actually end up having to use it I would have to go up to a staff and tell them in front of everyone and of course everyone would know that I did because me and the staff would have to leave the room so I can change (I would also like to mention that when ever I did have to change I had to be supervised 100 percent of the time). my whole experience there was the worst pain suffering and humiliation I've ever felt in my life. this was almost 3 years ago and I still can't go a day without thinking about it it's even caused me to have night time accidents and problems as well. it's so bad that I don't know if I can keep on living with this shame and humiliation anymore. it's not like I can talk to a therapist about it because what if they put me back into one of those situations where all of this trama came from I just don't know what to do anymore not to mention all of the mental disorders that I had going into it are still not better and if anything have gotten much much worse because of this incident I just don't know what to do anymore
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