These past three years I've really done nothing but try to distract myself. Distract myself from all of these overwhelming feelings, all of these unwanted changes, all of the maturing and growing up; distract myself by sitting holed up in my room all day, not talking to anyone, watching countless tv shows, and scrolling mindlessly on social media for hours. For the past three whole fucking years I've shut everyone else out and become this lazy piece of shit who does nothing all day. I hate it. I hate it. I hate it. I hate these stupid panic attacks. I hate all of the nights I've spent crying myself to sleep. I hate how I don't put any effort into anything anymore. I hate how I've become such a dissapointment to my family. I hate how I don't know how to talk to anyone anymore. I hate how I can't handle even the slightest change. I hate everything about myself. But yet I dream for a happy life. I often fantasize about being someone both I, and other people around me are proud of. I want all of these good things but then again I don't know what to do or how I'm supposed to get them and I'm too scared to try and learn.

2 years ago

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