Am I really trans?

I feel like I should have been AMAB and I have had similar thoughts before in my life (including childhood) I recall, but I don't have any memories of actively wishing I was a boy or trying to present as the other gender either. I kinda thought "welp I guess I can't do anything about but I can live with it" until I became a teenager and I figuratively got run over by a lorry. And even now I'm not particularly masculine or enthusiastic about changing my name and being an average man full-time. I guess what I'm wondering is whether I'm trans enough. And whether I want to be...because so much effort is involved in going all the way to exist as a trans person that maybe continuing to automatically repress my emotions would just be the easier option. I don't have the money for surgery or anything and I'd be way more likely to get fired or hate-crimed and I'd probably have to cut off contact with a portion of my family and make things very awkward with the ones I would still talk to. It sounds like hell but also hearing "Miss" in reference to me several times a day sounds like hell too so I don't know whether to forfeit my emotional state or fofeit my future and safety. At least I'm used to repression.

1 year ago

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