I think that I am going through situations where I am being dehumanized because I am disabled. Even when I don't tell anyone I am autistic it still happens. I used to think that I was just being bullied and it wasn't a big deal and that it was a minor thing. I used to think that because someone told me I was. They were wrong and I was foolish for believing them. There is a reason I am traumatized to such a degree that I can't be around people anymore. It makes more sense to me that I am being dehumanized because of how I often I am being mistreated. Being bullied isn't completely ruled out but because I feel like others don't seem me as a person and that is how I feel as well than that it is what it is. I feel like I am being treated like I am an animal a lot more than others. I don't know why people told me it was bullying. I don't know why they told me that and I believed them. I made a mistake and it is bad enough I listened to them. I am just frustrated that I get yelled at more than others and they think it is funny to be mean to me. People get mad at me a lot and it seems like I am being looked at closely just because I act and sound different. How is it just bullying? I am being made fun of and when my peers are not busy with their own lives and they do see me they just comment and complain about me. That isn't normal behavior because that is how you treat an animal. I used to think they hated me but now I know they just hate themselves and they are in pain. I am not jumping to conclusions because I am trying to find the truth. People aren't even empathetic towards me and I am sad because of this but I am glad that I am getting closer to figuring out what is going on. I am getting closer to the truth I think. I have accepted the fact that I will not know the whole truth. Figuring it out will be tricky because I don't know everything and I won't get the exact answer. A lot of people don't like how I am different and I get judged for that. I am criticized for what I say and how I say things. It makes me upset. Why else would I be treated that way and to that degree? There are more people in this world that dehumanize others than I realized. When I am around people it seems to happen more. I look at others and nothing like this happens to them. When I talk about things I am sick of being told that they don't know what I am talking about. How can they treat me like I am crazy? How can this be? That explains why I feel like I am being treated like I am less than others. I get the feelings that match up with what is happening around me. I don't believe that I have low self esteem and I think it is messed up that someone told me that I let myself get bullied because that is not the case. I am autistic. I didn't know that I was being bullied until someone told me. But they were wrong because this isn't bullying. This is dehumanization! I can't figure out everything on my own. Someone had to tell me something to get closer to what is happening. I wasn't aware of what was going on and I don't understand it. I think when someone told me that I let them bully me they were being mean to me. I don't think it is my fault that I am being treated that way. I hate how when I speak my truth that I am being told that I am crazy and they are concerned about my mental health. That is cruel! They don't understand that I am autistic and they don't understand me! I am looked at closely because I am different. They stand there just to judge me, criticize me, and make comments about what I am doing. It doesn't happen all the time but I hate when it does happen. It is a weird thing for me to experience. It makes me uncomfortable. That is why I am safest when I am alone because I don't have to be stressed and I don't have to worry about being treated poorly by others. I can't talk to my peers online because the same thing happens there and it doesn't seem to escape me. This person did make a sound like "awe" when I was crying once but it seemed like they were "trying" to be empathetic. It sounded fake because I felt I was being looked at like an animal and that I was being tormented. After that they just continued bossing me around because they were telling me what to do. I have feelings. It is scary and creepy that others don't think I have feelings like they do. A group of people said that they don't think I am have any feelings and that made me mad. How can they do this to me? I don't like being around people anymore and I am disgusted with the way I am being treated. I shouldn't have to go through this. Why am I going through this? I don't know what I am supposed to learn except the fact that I can't trust humans and that I shouldn't talk to them anymore. That is the only thing I learned from my experiences and I learned not be like them. I am don't believe life is filled with lessons but I am learning what to do to protect myself from dangers in the future.

2 years ago

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