I am sort of lonely. I only have two friends and I feel like my friends don't really care about me. Anytime I try to talk about myself I don't really get a response. Friend #1 literally told me that they don't care. I just wish I had a friend that would match my energy you know? I always feel like I constantly annoy them and I hate it. I would love to go no contact for a while but I don't want to throw away the only people that are there for me. I can't tell anyone anything and I hate it. I'm always there for them but when is it my turn to vent or talk about myself? Friend #2 sort of cares about me. He wonders where I am during a call so I'm on pretty good terms with him. I guess I just want a best friend? I feel like I've always been the second choice. Maybe I deserve to be. I've never felt like I was enough even as a child. I can try my best but it never works out for me. I always need to be 10 times better than what I already am. But it sucks because no one ever understands that I can't take this anymore. I am so depressed that I have no motivation to do anything or even get up out of bed in the mornings. Because everything feels pointless. The only thing keeping me going at this point is my dog. She is my everything and I want to better myself for her. She deserves everything and I love her so much. I don't know what I'd do without her. Ik this was kind of repetitive but I was just speaking with so many emotions.
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