Why doesn’t my mom love me.I try to talk to her and have a nice conversation with her but she just turns it into a whole argument or just ends up ignoring me on her phone.My younger brothers have picked on me and she lets it happen.If i get them annoyed by just simply listening to music in the car and if one of them slap my face because i don’t want to turn it down because they think my music is gay i have to let them hit me because if i do defend myself i get hit by my mom for not being the older person.It happens almost everyday If i did something they didn’t like they would go on and tell it to my mom so they can watch me get beat up,cornered,dragged.Why can’t she never take my side she doesn’t even wanna hear me try to tell her my side she just automatically beats me ,she gives all her love to them .Kevin has behavior problems at school and gives my mom a hard time but she tells him she loves him after she drops them off to school.Leo gives her the hardest time since he’s a brat and if he doesn’t get what he wants he does the worse but she hugs him all the time and tells him she loves him.I wash the dishes,i clean up the house i help my mom but she never told me she loved me she doesn’t even hug me or touch me except if she’s hitting me..she doesn’t even want to talk to me.Which is why i started smoking weed to cope with everything.i felt helpless i didn’t have a dad either to defend me it was just them bullying me all the time and blaming everything on me.kevin had snitched on me and showed a video to my mom of me smoking ,i didn’t even talk to kevin that day what did i do for him to do that.anyways she got really pissed so i finally told her why i smoked i told her everything because i had the courage to and had hope she would understand..she didn’t.after i told her she ended up blaming everything on me and switching the subject to my brothers and how they need there beauty sleep and that’s why she would be mad when i came home late after i was doing any type of drugs she didn’t even care what i had to say she just saw me as a druggie.I remember one time my brothers were picking on me and i had told my mom that i won’t let a man put their hands on me for defending myself and she had said “you weren’t the same with any other guys” knowing that her brother had sexually molested me for 6 years and knowing that my ex bestfriend had touched me in my sleep.But it all really hurts because i’m still 15 and it’s fucked up I’m already trying to look for a job to move out already because i don’t get income only my brothers.It all really hurts because i still love my mom so much and i still wish her the best.

2 years ago

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