I have never been the one to post of my miscarriages online. I have had reoccurring miscarriages. I am not alone. I struggle to stay pregnant. Many women spend hours googling- researching reading books to learn how to stop this. I always questioned myself “why” this is so natural “why is it so hard to do.” I had a lesson I learned through this last miscarriage. I wanted to share. Imagine you finally are planning your honeymoon with your soul mate to a place you’ve only dreamed of going. Just to get told your vacation has been delayed due to the poor weather conditions. Your effort, time, energy, sacrifices, planning, packing, just everything you did has now officially been delayed. You feel as if it has been canceled. I would be devastated. You finally have the person you waited for your whole life to go on this great adventure and make memories, something you cannot control cancels it. That’s how I felt whenever we lost our baby. I was devastated. I have the man of my dreams right next to me... I feel excited. We are about to know our gender of our child-we are adding to our family, just to be told that “There’s nothing we could have done to prevent it.” I have been disappointed in myself. I have been angry at God. I have felt like I have been told “sorry this is canceled.” Much like the pandemic plans that many had keep getting pushed back. I was thinking at our follow up appointment “we’ll pick up we’re we left off and try in a month or two.” Then given the time frame 3-6 months to wait devastated me. I don’t want to wait. I want it now. Laying next to my better half he gave me a dose of reality. “You are having to wait a few extra months. It’s not two years, a year, or forever. It is a few more months than we expected.” At the time I was not happy with that response. A few moments later I am instantly grateful for him- he gave me a reminder of hope. “WAIT!” Wait is what gave me the hope. Waiting reminded me that there is hope. This is not forever. This will pass. Hope that we do get to try again- to have another chance. I want to hit the ground running and go. Sometimes we cannot just “Go.” Sometimes we have to wait. So to that wait I am delayed. Much like waiting for plane to safety take-off. So here I go to wait, and waiting until then.

2 years ago

Be the first to comment!