Sometimes I wish people knew the truth. Not the "I'm fine." and the smiling. I'm talking about the deep truth about my scars and why I cry myself to sleep at night. I used to be so lonely I would do anything for male validation. I would stay up until 4 am just overthinking and going over every single thing I did that was fucked up that lead me here. I keep telling myself "this is why you have no friends". Life is not perfect..of course, but some things just really throw me off the edge. I mean, to be honest, I'm only 12 but I know so much shit. Ive done marijuana already. Sometimes I wish the people around me would actually look at me for once. I crave attention so much I would do anything for it. The pill bottle that stands right on my desk calls my name every day but I ignore it. I'm so tired of trying to live up to what my parents want for me instead of what I want for myself. I'm not gonna sit here and call myself strong or a queen because I'm neither. I wish they would stop acting like I am this "sweet little girl" like NO. Ive said I wanted to kill myself when I was 9 and you think I'm ok now? On top of this, my sister is literally psycho. I'm not gonna get into all of the details but she's in jail and she manipulates the HELL out of them and she always finds her way out of shit. She's one of the reasons I'm like this. The shit I've seen and have gone through has a big impact on my life. I just can't wait to flip the fuck out and watch them look surprised. I'm so tired of being the quiet kid.
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