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so i don't know where ele's to vent so i guess here fine I'm so fucking done with my life like i'm in a friend group of 4 (5 including me) but anyways we have a really tall one and they are such a fucking bitch they have to make everything about them like when i stared going to therapy and they make it all about a guy that got in a fight which she didn't even care for and then my other friend will call her like bri she an okay person but she said that she was sorry for leaving me the another day and blamed herself for it but like why apologize its was my problem not hers so when people are like its all my fault that your like this it kinda pisses me off then there's this other girl that kinda just started hanging out with us and that's fine but i feel like she slowing replacing me as she gets on with both of them and there's another girl she my fav of the group but at lunch she goes over to this bigger group and invites me everyday but i cant go over as i feel like a weirdo just standing there not having a conversation and i apologize after lunch all the time as i say i will try but it just makes me so nervous and i there a really nice group of people but i just feel like when i'm standing there they don't want me there but then the same girl says that she wants to die a lot to the point that in are friend group if anyone say it there just numb to the word which is hard for me as when i talk seriously about my mental health they don't take it up they just let it pass so i just stop saying how i feel mental and put there needs before mine and know when i want to do things for myself i feel like a selfish bitch and when i'm not myself they ask if i'm fine and i just say i'm fine but maybe i'm sick off it as why do you only care when you can see that i'm physical upset no one cares about how you feel until your dead and its so fucked i just want to go home but home dosen't feel like home i just wish it would stop but then again i'm probably being a selfish bitch and my problems don't need to be valid it be fine its always fine as long as there happy ill go i know that i'm going to be forgotten about i just don't want be a lone and maybe i want someone to not think of me as the last person they want to hang out with honestly i wish i could just tell them how i feel but then again they won't understand so its better that i stay quite i will never have someone to beside me and that can hug me and say its going to be okay it will get better i push everyone away and i hate myself but yet i would offer to do that and look at them leave and it be fine the damage is always fixable maybe i wish i could just be normal i'm useless when older people say if you keep telling yourself it gets better they don't know whats its like i feel like my brain is telling me that i'm a freak my brain torments me so i don't think it will ever tell me it will get better when its my tormentor i guess that's my vent ill probably cry or something