I am hoping writing here makes me feel better. I am a student. I really don't like school. I am failing almost all of my classes and I have told my family I need help and they think yelling at me and calling me lazy is going to make me just get up and do all of this work. It is not only schoolwork that is bringing me down but my family is. I told my mom that I have lost all motivation and that I need her help with my work and the next day I wasn't feeling well and I was just laying down and she started yelling at me calling me lazy and saying that I'm going to grow up to be a loser because I can't get anything done. I am starting to think she is doing this on purpose. I have no friends by the way. I have nobody to talk to so that is why I am writing here. I feel stupid. I can't seem to do anything right. I can't do anything I want to anymore without messing it up for me or someone else. I have trouble sleeping because of online school and all of these missing assignments I try to do them at night since nobody bothers me. It's even 2:34 am now. I like the nighttime because I am alone by choice. nobody messes with me and I can just think to myself. but now it is becoming a problem. I feel like I'm stuck. everyone seems to be moving along with themselves and I'm just stuck in the same spot. some days I feel better than others and motivated and those are the same days everyone decides to be negative and bring my mood down. I have been wanting to do a lot of stuff but I also can't do that because of my living situation. I am just feel lost. I feel like I'm falling down an endless dark hole and I am just falling and falling and whenever I feel good I stop falling and start floating but I always get shot down by something and start falling to my death again. in this case death is just me being stuck doing nothing again. and I think the reason I am upset with my mom is that she is right I am being lazy but she is not really trying to help me at all. I feel lost and alone and I really don't know what to do.

2 years ago

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