So, recently, I moved to another school. I made two new friends, but we aren't all that close. We just know each other because of school. Honestly, I just hang around them. Don't really like them much. But my old friends at my old school were really close to me. I had 2 specific friends that I really like. I think we (as in mostly I) are falling apart. I'm always getting in trouble, my grades are going down, I go to this afterschool that compares me to others, and I don't have anyone to talk to. My parents don't understand, and I find myself just crying and writing to myself a lot lately. These 2 friends from my old school were my everything. We would do everything together and always be there fore one another, but I think that lately, it's just been a one - way relationship. I don't wanna be the tacky friend and these days, I feel myself lying to them more and more so that I fit in. We always did extra curricular activities together, and we were almost inseparable, but now, I feel that I don't meet their standards. Although they make it look like a joke, they kind of always pick on me. When I tell them to stop, they don't listen and I don't want to be the sensitive friend so I just laugh along and don't say much. This year, I graduated, and I wanted to celebrate with them together. I planned this months ago, but I never quite made this official. However we were planning it. I then found out today that my 2 friends were planning to celebrate without me. They didn't even tell me until I heard from someone else. What was worse was that they were going to celebrate with this other girl that I really don't like. A few years ago, there was an incident with her, me and my other friend. She would always make everyone turn on us and make fun of us. They would laugh at us, and spread rumors to make herself look like the victim. Recently, I've been trying to patch things up with her because I really don't want bad blood. However, I just feel that she's using me. On one of our recent extra curricular activities, me and one of the 2 friends were talking, and she mentioned that we had been out of touch for a while. She then explained that she only talked to her best friends more which apparently happened to be that 2nd friend and the girl that I didn't like. She almost never answers my text or just sends one word responses, but then I thought it was because she was busy. When I found out otherwise, I was kind of sad. I wasn't about to make a big deal about it though. Honestly, when I'm around them, they always brag and I feel that they don't like me or that they only keep me around as a pity friend and not a true one. I however always thought of them as true friends which is sad. I didn't confront them about the celebration thing and kind of just said nothing. I don't plan on intruding on their plans. The only friends I have right now are the ones at my after school who genuinely make me happy, and treat me like a real friend. They are really nice and share my sense of humor. We always talk, and have fun. When I'm not there though (which I wont be the next school year because I can't) I don't have anyone to talk to. I want to make new friends, but everyone I know is already my friend and they all have other friends. I'm just kind of lonely and talk to myself. I like reading and am an extrovert, but I'm really getting used to keeping to myself. A few weeks ago was the first time I started to just cry to myself in bed and I'm not suicidal or anything, just really depressed and lonely. I came here to vent. So that I wouldn't be the annoying friend. So that I won't be a bother, but I think its really affecting my emotional health.

2 years ago

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