I was molested and almost raped at 11 yes old for idk how long by my stepfather. I am 17 almost 18 now and for 6/7 yrs I have been numb up until a couple months ago. My panic attacks came back the nightmares showed up and my anxiety was through the roof. I have a very hard time letting others know I need help but I finally talked to my mom about some of it and absolutely nothing changed. My grades in school are all ads because of this and I’m barely holding on. I ponder suicide more than I used to now. I figure I should be over my molestation by now but ig it doesn’t work that way. I would talk to my best friends but I absolutely do not want to burden them with this shit. Although my relationship with my mom is quite good I cannot talk to her about specific stuff because “she can’t handle it”. I tried to talk to her during the aftermath when I was 11 but she didn’t want me to talk to her about it. She has 3 kids with my (ex ) stepfather and they still talk to him while he’s in prison and I hear his voice sometimes which really affects me. I love my 3 younger siblings but I wish they didn’t get to speak to him ever. Recently I believe I have been experiencing depress although I don’t want to call it that because it may not be that serious. I’m probably overreacting for no reason at all. I wish I could go back to my numb state. I have no clue what brought me out of it. It’s like I’m stuck in a haze of sadness anger and anxiety. I have no one to vent to about this so it kind of just sits in my head whirring around everyday. I have literally no idea what else to do but sit in the haze and hope for the best when all my hope is quickly leaving. Physically I’m not alone but mentally I’m all by myself.

2 years ago

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