I want to die very badly. I don't think my younger children would notice I'm gone. I don't think they actually love me. They are always hurting each other or themselves even though I do everything I can to prevent it. I realize that anything bad that happens to them ultimately is my fault as their mother who they live with and is raising them. I have to always clean up the blood or apply bandages and I cry and cry because I endure it alone. I tell their father and he ignores me or says that its my fault. I want to go away and die so bad but my mother passed a couple years ago and I think it will kill my older daughter and my grandmother. One of them just fell down the steps even though I tell them to stop playing on the steps. This is my fault. For not being a good enough woman to get their dad to stay and do right by us or me. I deserve every single bad thing that happens to me. My son just told me he loves me because I'm crying and I told him no he doesn't. I wish I could just turn into a pile of sand and blow away and be completely forgotten. My stomach hurts very bad.
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