I don't even know how to feel anymore. Sometimes I'm fine, and I think yeah I can do this. But most of the time I just feels so sad and lonely, I'm embarrassed of myself. I've had a long battle with my mental health and although I feel like I've made so much progress it still lingers and feels so heavy on my shoulders. I just feel like I'm drowning in emptiness. My mind doesn't swirl and rush with thoughts and panic anymore, its quiet and that scares me more than anything. The silence is deafening. I really do want to die but I don't have enough courage to do it. It makes me so mad at myself. I can't die but I can't live. I'm stuck. It hurts so much. Life really really hurts. Which ever direction I move in all I feel is pain. The joy only last an instant then the overwhelming never ending pit just black engulfs everything like a fire. Regardless of what I do can't shake it. I'm so unbelievably lonely, I have family that supports me so much and friends that I know care but it doesn't seem to matter. I just don't know.

2 years ago

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