I watched that friend group I thought I would spend everyday with this summer slowly fall apart. All I can think is that it was all my fault. I'm not sure where im going with this but i need to just write it down. I wake up for work and love being there. I love my job and its the reason i still wake up every morning but as soon as i clock out all the thoughts flood my brain. why am i never good enough to be loved the way i love someone. why do the people i care about have to hurt so bad, why cant i take all their pain away and put it on me. i remember the first time we hungout. just me and you Z. we went and go food, they forgot to give us forks so we couldn't eat the salad. you were so proud when i ate more food then you. then we went a stole shit because were stupid teenagers. i told you how ive always wanted to watch the stars in a park. without even a second thought you took me to a park and we watched the stars. we laughed all night, i thought it was the start to something amazing. and it was to a certain extent. but just like everyone else you left with no explanation.we went from being together everyday to never talking again. i'll never forget when you held me as i completely broke down about my dead best friend in your arms. you held me and said you were never going to leave and look where we are now. i miss how safe i felt in your arms and how you turned into the only person that could hug me so fast. you knew how much i hate being touched and how much anxiety it gives me and you respected that more then anyone ive ever met. yes you hurt me and yes i do hate you now but i cant thank you enough for making me realize i can get over my ex, i just have to find that person that makes me feel safe and loved. if i dont win this battle with myself understand i fought for 2 years. i got tired and needed my best friend.

2 years ago

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