Nobody

I’ve never had any real close friends like yeah I got people I talk to and I consider friends but no one I can talk about how I really feel to. The was one person the beginning of the school year and we would keep it real and it felt nice but after a party they hosted we haven’t talked since. It just get hurts when you got nobody you can genuinely talk to. I’ve been alone for most of my life cause I was raised that way kinda the “men don’t cry” mentality, I was taught to suppress how I really feel and “man up” and I’m pretty sure it’s cause some pretty bad mental issues, I’ve had major depression before with suicidal tendencies and can tell they’re returning cause I realize just how alone I am and that I got nobody that I’m genuinely close friends with anymore. I’m scared to find out why me and the friend who hosted the party don’t talk anymore, I’m scared of being like this for the rest of my life, I just want somebody who genuinely cares and stuff. Recently there was a girl who started flirting with me and a mutual friend confirmed it so I started flirting back and now I’ve heard she lost interest, I’m scared that I just accidentally cut that path off. So I guess in summary I’m just scared and tired of being alone and having nobody.