fucking, fucking fucking, FUCK. why can't i seem to get better? why the fuck is everything so fucking hard for me, i'm so fucking tired, i'm so fucking tired, i just want to give up, why can't i give up yet? I haven't made any fucking progress, i'm fucking disgusting. I don't know what the fuck to do. I'm so fucking fat, I'm so fucking ugly, everything about me is fucking awful. No one fucking cares, no one fucking CARES. i hate my family, I hate them, I just want to leave this fucking town an never fucking look back. No one ever fucking believes in me, no one wants to think I can do something for my life. I'm just the fat fucking good for nothing disappointment of the fucking family! god forbid anyone find out about anything! You can't tell them you're trans! Your grandma will have a heart attack, you know how your cousins are, I support you but im still going to call you by your fucking dead name. I'm tired of it, i'm fucking tired of everything. I just want to give up already. I don't have anyone, not close, anyway. It's so fucking stupid, i'm so fucking stupid. Why can't i just be fucking normal, why can't you just be fucking normal?? I don't know what im doing anymore. I feel like caving in, i want help, i fucking need help. I need someone here, I need someone, anyone to just fucking reach out. Why can't my mom show it? She knows whats wrong with me yet she just lets me rot in my fucking room all day, i can't have meds, i might overdose, though i've never fucking shown signs of trying to. She took them away and i haven't been able to get them back for fucks sake. I can't have anything. I can't leave the fucking house, yet i'm supposed to be an adult! I have to share fucking everything, your brother's are still young oliver, you have to let them have it. you have to be nice to them, don't be so mean oliver, god you fucking dumb idiot. why is everyone like this? why ? why? why is it that i'm the one that has to fucking suffer, why is it my fault that my brother's call me names why is it my fault my brother's insult me? I just want it to fucking end.

1 year ago

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